I really don't know but a lot of times it happened to me. and i just always thought to myself, "here we go again"...
I remember, i had zai when i was 17 years old with his dad..who i went crazy.
we where together for almost six years and we were really young. I was on my 3rd year and he was 4th year high school
haha grabeh, in love na in love ako nun, soobra! He was my first boyfriend (sa pagkakaalm ng parents ko ah?!)
kasi siya yung unang dinala ko dito sa house and pinakilala sa family.
Im soo excited then because it was my first time to have a boyfriend na finally legal talaga, yun bang pwedeng dumalaw sa house anytime and pwede ng makipagdate ng hindi mag woworry kung may makakita!
I had a lot of firsts with him.. excited pa ko nun kasi, we had our very first date, we watched movie and had dinner after..soobrang memorable kasi nga FIRST TIME! and it will never be the same again.
sa pagkakaalam ko, i was also her first girlfriend na pinakilala talaga sa family
and ayun, our first year together ok naman..masaya naman although normal ang pagaaway, hindi naman mawawala yun.
then he graduated from highschool, and nung nag-college na siya dun na nagstart ang kalbaryo ko(haha!)
siyempre i was 4th year highschool and hindi ko na siya namomonitor!
sobrang maloko, ewan ko ba kung nature na ba talaga ng mga guys ang maging BABAERO
the very first time that i caught him was before kami mag anniversary(oh diba ang sakit?!) first time ko din na ma-encounter yung ganung situation, HE CHEATED on me, pero natanggap ko yun. naisip ko kaya kong kalimutan ang lahat kasi mahal ko. Yes, i tried to forget..but i didn't forgive... sobrang hirap pala kapag nasira na yung tiwala mo sa isang tao, pero dahil nga martir ako, i gave him another chance. but i remembered what my bestfriend told me: "sigurado ka ba sa desisyon mo?.. kasi kung nagawa na niya yan sayo ngayon, malamang mauulit lang yan ulit"....
really?ganun ba talaga yun?! But i thought to myself, maybe my bestfriend was wrong, He'll change!
allow me to describe him:
HE IS A TOTAL PACKAGE (mayabang, self centered, babaero, maarte sa pagkain, mabisyo, may frat)
..ok durog na durog!!.. haha
in short, walang pinatutunguhan ang buhay. He doesn't even listen to his mom!stubborn.. like me!
pero kahit ganun, He also thought me a lot of things, nice things :))
anyway, when I went to college, my life was.. school-bahay ni boyfriend-uwi ng bahay!!
after my class, I went straight to his house and madalas tulog pa siya. soo tatabihan ko siya sa bed and matutulog lang ako ulit..ganun lang ang buhay!!..(weh?) soobrang tambay lang kami, kelangan ko siya samahan non kasi nagstop siya magschool. sobrang everyday kami magkasama.
i was on my first semester when we both knew that i was pregnant. we were really upset, it was unplanned. although i said to myself i would love to have a child, but it was really too soon!
wala kaming nagawa kundi sabihin sa parents namin na buntis ako, and they were all shocked and disappointed dahil nga nagaaral pa kami. But luckily hindi naman ako nagulpi.haha
pero after that i had to stop schooling kasi hindi pwede sa school ang preggy.
Big big adjustment for me grabeh talaga, he went back to school and i was stucked in our house for six months. both parties decided na wag kaming mag live-in and magpakasal cause we were really too young.
He was 19 then... and i was 17...haayy ang mga kabataan talaga mapupusok!!tsk..tskk
at nakakaloka ah..hindi pala madaling manganak! soo when zai came, my parents decided not to hire a helper. so imagine na lang ang puyat at pagod ko sa pagaalaga...
it was a total change for us, suddenly we have a big responsibility..
too much pressure of everything, financial support na hindi regular na nakakaloka talaga dahil hindi naman pwedeng magreklamo.
so when i went to school again lahat ng ipon ko kay zai lang napupunta..so he head no choice but to stop again and decided to look for a job to support our kid. syempre i knew na masakit for his parents na he needed to stop because of that.
yes, naranasan namin yung hirap at mamoblema kung saan hahagilap ng pang gatas ni zai..
kahit paano we want to give her the best..yung kailangan ng bata.
our life was hard pero naisip ko basta kasama ko silang dalawa okey lang. kasi dun na umikot yung mundo ko eh..i stopped my growth, para bang hindi ko na nakilala pa kung sino ba talaga ako.
and nasakal din siya..he didn't had a chance to enjoy yung pagka binata niya..hindi namen na-enjoy pareho yung mga sarili namen apart from being a couple.
we were not growing together..we started hating and blaming each other..
things got even worst kasi nagaaway na kami sa harap ng bata..and gustuhin ko man o hindi na makita ni zai yun..nakikita ng bata.. and then our daughter would tell us "wag na kayo magaway".. it really hurts.
then i would ask the Lord, "why?".. I can't understand, sobrang malala na talaga, parang cancer na unti-unting nauubos.
pati studies ko affected na din..I went through hell last year. and to think na i'll be graduating....hindi ko alam kung paano
He left us, and decided to be with the girl..
I was broken...for the longest time, i've experienced those yucky feeling.. anger, denial, emptiness, longingness and still I wasn't able to get it. why it happened to us? now that we have our child?....
Then i started praying, my friend told me that with this brokenness, I had to lift up everything to the Lord and ask for guidance. Pray for my inner healing... ask for deliverance.
God is so amazing, I remembered that time, when I surrendered everything to Him, the feeling was so real I know He was hugging me, like a lost child that went back to his parents.
all through out, My Lord was there..He became my friend.
I started living each day with this faith that I can do everything because I know I have a Big God na i-gaguide ako, kami ni zai.
and now looking at my past, I can say that I totally forgave zai's dad...ganun pala talaga yun noh? akala ko din imposible at matatagalan..pero nakapag move on na talaga ako
and sana one day, he'll make it up to zai..andito lang naman kami, when everything is ok na. papayagan ko na sila mag bond.
Yes, I did some stupid things in the name of love...sa sobrang dami hindi ko na na-mention yung iba. But it thought me a lot and made me who I am today...it made me a better person.☺
nung naghiwalay kami, maraming opportunities yung dumating sa kin. and I just embraced it.
being single, doesn't make you any less., ibig sabihin lang nun mas matapang ka ng harapin if ever masaktan ka man ulit..keri mo na! (ehem!.. different story)
Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.
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