if you're going to fall in love with me, it's only fair to know what you are falling in love with.
you are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.
But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when i'm with you, the way i'll text you in the mornings just telling you i hope you have a great day. You're falling in love with the occasionally humorous or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me despite my thinking that it is impossible..
i must say, i am not easy to handle with and i'm really stubborn.
i just need someone who is more stable and who has an open mind to understand me when i screwed up..and that giving up on me will his last option
Saturday, September 25, 2010
its been a year..
to be exact of the same year i was so freakin' hopeless and heartbroken..and for the first time in my life i'd never felt that kind of pain... it was really horrible and it was never easy to mend...
it was a big transition for me..it really was! from being "losyang" to ugly-no-more.., from being pathetic and dependent to being wiser,stronger and independent... i appreciated a lot of wonderful things, i became closer to God, i learned to love myself, i gained wonderful friends who really helped me and i thought i can't pass that trial. . yes, i lost him but then it came to a point and i realized that im more thankful now that we didn't end up together.
when i looked back I am proud to say that I am fulfilled with what i achieved.. im not the same person whom i was last year,and that failure is my bestfriend. :D
and here i am today, completely healed..I am thankful to God that i let go of everything..that's life, we really have to move on and hope that the best things will come at the right moment. In God's perfect time
and im lovin' my daughter more and more each day.. maybe, i can't give her a complete family but i'll make sure that mommy's gonna give her all the love in this world..and she'll be more proud that mommy's a grown up :)
everything leaves a mark. but i am so much stronger than i was before
it was a big transition for me..it really was! from being "losyang" to ugly-no-more.., from being pathetic and dependent to being wiser,stronger and independent... i appreciated a lot of wonderful things, i became closer to God, i learned to love myself, i gained wonderful friends who really helped me and i thought i can't pass that trial. . yes, i lost him but then it came to a point and i realized that im more thankful now that we didn't end up together.
when i looked back I am proud to say that I am fulfilled with what i achieved.. im not the same person whom i was last year,and that failure is my bestfriend. :D
and here i am today, completely healed..I am thankful to God that i let go of everything..that's life, we really have to move on and hope that the best things will come at the right moment. In God's perfect time
and im lovin' my daughter more and more each day.. maybe, i can't give her a complete family but i'll make sure that mommy's gonna give her all the love in this world..and she'll be more proud that mommy's a grown up :)
everything leaves a mark. but i am so much stronger than i was before
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
MY LEARNING EXPERIENCE
if there is one thing that i've learned from over this past month, it is what it means to truly loved and be loved. from June 5 to August 4 to be exact of this year was the best time of my life so far. I felt a sense of belongingness, felt that i'm not alone, a sense of security that i had never felt before. I thought I had everything that I'd ever wanted. but it all stopped. I woke up one morning and he's gone.
Love is about acceptance and trust of the person that you have before you.
Love isn't about how you are made from the start. its not about your happily ever after. it's about lasting through all trials and tribulations that come your way and seeing that person is and always will be that person that you've loved from the beginning.
love is not about blaming each other,and who screwed it up..
when you say that you love a person,please mean it. don't just say it or because its what an infatuated state made you think. say it even where you're going through the worst time of your life or seeing that person at the worst state of her life..you do and will always feel the same way. because if you won't, then it is not love that you have.
i accepted the reality that the perfect person i thought was not so perfect at all. .
suffer pain that you can't stand. most run away, giving excuses like, "it wasn't meant to be"..
and that a broken heart can't love anymore: BUT LOVE IS MORE THAN JUST A HAPPY FEELING
ONLY THE BRAVE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY
when you love someone, LOVE EVERYTHING. the good. the bad. the unknown.and what it is about to come.
"I love you" is three words thrown around so often. no one should ever say it without knowing it in their hearts that they'll keep saying it for the rest of all time... not only when everything is running smooth..
Love is about acceptance and trust of the person that you have before you.
Love isn't about how you are made from the start. its not about your happily ever after. it's about lasting through all trials and tribulations that come your way and seeing that person is and always will be that person that you've loved from the beginning.
love is not about blaming each other,and who screwed it up..
when you say that you love a person,please mean it. don't just say it or because its what an infatuated state made you think. say it even where you're going through the worst time of your life or seeing that person at the worst state of her life..you do and will always feel the same way. because if you won't, then it is not love that you have.
i accepted the reality that the perfect person i thought was not so perfect at all. .
suffer pain that you can't stand. most run away, giving excuses like, "it wasn't meant to be"..
and that a broken heart can't love anymore: BUT LOVE IS MORE THAN JUST A HAPPY FEELING
ONLY THE BRAVE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY
when you love someone, LOVE EVERYTHING. the good. the bad. the unknown.and what it is about to come.
"I love you" is three words thrown around so often. no one should ever say it without knowing it in their hearts that they'll keep saying it for the rest of all time... not only when everything is running smooth..
so hard to figure out
i do not understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. how pictures never change but the people in them do. how your best friend can become your worst enemy, or hows strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. how forever turns into a few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back. how you can let go of something you once said you couldn't live without. how even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. how the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. how people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. how people can erase you from their lives just because it is easier than working things out
majority of the mistakes that i committed in the past was due to my fear of the future. things that could happen and things that wouldn't happen because of whatever i do. im fucking sick and tired of worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. "cross the bridge when you get there right?"
majority of the mistakes that i committed in the past was due to my fear of the future. things that could happen and things that wouldn't happen because of whatever i do. im fucking sick and tired of worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. "cross the bridge when you get there right?"
Saturday, September 4, 2010
life is a game
you have two options.either you play along or you sit in the bench, watching others play it. if you play along,understand that it is not an easy game. you'll have times when your physically and mentally in great shape, you'll have times when you take a long time finding the pieces on the floor to get yourself together again this will happen to everyone. you'l have a lot of struggles, battle some small..others so big you will feel like giving up. the thing is, you've got to choose your battles, no one fights forever
life is a bit like boxing if you keep throwing punches without thinking, you'll get tired..you won't get anywhere. same thing happens with life. you've got to organize your next move to achieve the next goal. sometimes you have to take risks..sometimes you stay on defense.
every time you get hurt, you improve yourself as a person..you slowly understand
what did and didn't work. well of course it will hurt like fuck...
sometimes the scars, won't always heal. but at the end of the day you will understand that those scars are always a sign that in every battle you face in life you will get hurt, that's something inevitable.
you just have to choose which battles are worth the pain
life is a bit like boxing if you keep throwing punches without thinking, you'll get tired..you won't get anywhere. same thing happens with life. you've got to organize your next move to achieve the next goal. sometimes you have to take risks..sometimes you stay on defense.
every time you get hurt, you improve yourself as a person..you slowly understand
what did and didn't work. well of course it will hurt like fuck...
sometimes the scars, won't always heal. but at the end of the day you will understand that those scars are always a sign that in every battle you face in life you will get hurt, that's something inevitable.
you just have to choose which battles are worth the pain
being strong is the only choice I have
DEAR TUMMY,
Sorry for the butterflies last night,but i swear its not my fault.....
Even though I try
Not to think of you
Every now and then
I admit, I do
And I know
That were gonna meet again
And I wonder how
You will treat me then
And will it be awkward
Or what will I say
Coz we haven't spoken
Since that day
Will you look the same
Will I reconize
That amazing glint
That was in you eyes
Will you show that I'm upset
Will say that I'm not over yet
Will you make some lame excuse to go
Will you say you've got to run to catch a bus
When we'll see each other
After the end of us
Will i want to cry when we finally meet
Will we meet by chance on a crowded street
Will i fall again for your magic charm
Will you have a new girl on your arm
Will you act like you don't know who I am
Will you shake my hand like a business man
Will you smile and say hello
Like we used to smile not long ago
Will you ask me what's been going on
What kind of shallow topics will we discuss
When we'll see each other
After the end of us
Or will i be stronger
Then i knew i could be
Will i be the one
Who's Surprised by me
Will i be alright
Will i be just fine
Or will i've healed this heart of mine
Will i show that i moved on
Will you see the sadness is all gone
Will you be the one in pain
Will i be the one who's feeling fabulous
When we'll see each other
After the end
When we'll see each other
After the end of us
my friend kevin send me that lyrics of KC concepcion's song After the End
sapul talaga, and just when i thought i was ok.. reality just slapped me in the face, that still im not.---defense mechanism, DENIAL
no matter how much i try to deny it..lalo pala naging malala ang lahat!
sana hindi na lang din ako nag punta...kung alam ko lang talaga na pupunta din siya dun, hindi na sana ako sumama..
ayoko kasing pakiramdam sa lahat, yung para bang ang epal ko dun?!
kasi may isang tao na ayaw akong makita tapos andun pa ko??...
hindi ko alam pano na ko kikilos...cause i was not prepared to meet him last night again
reality sucks.
ang sakit pa din pala :(
numbing the pain for a while only makes it worse for when you finally feel it, hurts like hell
at kahit anong tago pa ang gawin ko hindi ko din pala kayang lokohin yung sarili ko na may mali pa din sakin...hindi pa ko ok!
after the peak of my emotions na nakapasa ako ng board at nakahanap ng work, akala ko ok na ko
pero pinarelize sa kin ni Lord yung reality na hindi pa pala!
at ang pinkamasakit sa lahat, yung wala kang magawa kasi hindi mo na pwedeng ayusin pa yung nasira! na kahit ano pang gawin ko, sirang sira na ko sa kanya..na ang sama sama kong tao!!
pinkamabuting gawin ay ang magpakatotoo sa nararamdaman.kung hindi ka pala ok,wag magpanggap na masaya.if it hurts, then acknowledge the pain!wag magpaka plastic, wag mag maganda na ok ka when your not!alam ko lilipas din to.siguro, pinakita lang sakin talaga yung masakit na katotohanan na dapat harapin ko at hindi dapat tinatakbuhan.dahil ako to,ako lang ang nakakaalam kung gano kasakit..pati ba naman sarili ko lolokohin ko pa din?...
pero ang mahalaga, ay yung ngayon. magiging mahirap at masakit pero in the end, all the pain will be worth it.
why does love has so many rules?people will say that love isn't jealous or insecure or selfish or whatever, and that if yours possesses one of these qualities then it isn't real or that you're not loving somebody the right way? they don't know what you've been through or the kind of person you are. the way i see it, everyone loves differently. what it all boils down to is this: do you want to spend the rest of your life with that person? because to me, love is just knowing you can wake up next to them and be happy. if you can, then these all definitions and rules that people try to give love don't matter. you have love, hold on to it.
just be who you are and say what you fucking feel, whatever it is! because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
in three words i can sum up everything about life: it goes on.
Sorry for the butterflies last night,but i swear its not my fault.....
Even though I try
Not to think of you
Every now and then
I admit, I do
And I know
That were gonna meet again
And I wonder how
You will treat me then
And will it be awkward
Or what will I say
Coz we haven't spoken
Since that day
Will you look the same
Will I reconize
That amazing glint
That was in you eyes
Will you show that I'm upset
Will say that I'm not over yet
Will you make some lame excuse to go
Will you say you've got to run to catch a bus
When we'll see each other
After the end of us
Will i want to cry when we finally meet
Will we meet by chance on a crowded street
Will i fall again for your magic charm
Will you have a new girl on your arm
Will you act like you don't know who I am
Will you shake my hand like a business man
Will you smile and say hello
Like we used to smile not long ago
Will you ask me what's been going on
What kind of shallow topics will we discuss
When we'll see each other
After the end of us
Or will i be stronger
Then i knew i could be
Will i be the one
Who's Surprised by me
Will i be alright
Will i be just fine
Or will i've healed this heart of mine
Will i show that i moved on
Will you see the sadness is all gone
Will you be the one in pain
Will i be the one who's feeling fabulous
When we'll see each other
After the end
When we'll see each other
After the end of us
my friend kevin send me that lyrics of KC concepcion's song After the End
sapul talaga, and just when i thought i was ok.. reality just slapped me in the face, that still im not.---defense mechanism, DENIAL
no matter how much i try to deny it..lalo pala naging malala ang lahat!
sana hindi na lang din ako nag punta...kung alam ko lang talaga na pupunta din siya dun, hindi na sana ako sumama..
ayoko kasing pakiramdam sa lahat, yung para bang ang epal ko dun?!
kasi may isang tao na ayaw akong makita tapos andun pa ko??...
hindi ko alam pano na ko kikilos...cause i was not prepared to meet him last night again
reality sucks.
ang sakit pa din pala :(
numbing the pain for a while only makes it worse for when you finally feel it, hurts like hell
at kahit anong tago pa ang gawin ko hindi ko din pala kayang lokohin yung sarili ko na may mali pa din sakin...hindi pa ko ok!
after the peak of my emotions na nakapasa ako ng board at nakahanap ng work, akala ko ok na ko
pero pinarelize sa kin ni Lord yung reality na hindi pa pala!
at ang pinkamasakit sa lahat, yung wala kang magawa kasi hindi mo na pwedeng ayusin pa yung nasira! na kahit ano pang gawin ko, sirang sira na ko sa kanya..na ang sama sama kong tao!!
pinkamabuting gawin ay ang magpakatotoo sa nararamdaman.kung hindi ka pala ok,wag magpanggap na masaya.if it hurts, then acknowledge the pain!wag magpaka plastic, wag mag maganda na ok ka when your not!alam ko lilipas din to.siguro, pinakita lang sakin talaga yung masakit na katotohanan na dapat harapin ko at hindi dapat tinatakbuhan.dahil ako to,ako lang ang nakakaalam kung gano kasakit..pati ba naman sarili ko lolokohin ko pa din?...
pero ang mahalaga, ay yung ngayon. magiging mahirap at masakit pero in the end, all the pain will be worth it.
why does love has so many rules?people will say that love isn't jealous or insecure or selfish or whatever, and that if yours possesses one of these qualities then it isn't real or that you're not loving somebody the right way? they don't know what you've been through or the kind of person you are. the way i see it, everyone loves differently. what it all boils down to is this: do you want to spend the rest of your life with that person? because to me, love is just knowing you can wake up next to them and be happy. if you can, then these all definitions and rules that people try to give love don't matter. you have love, hold on to it.
just be who you are and say what you fucking feel, whatever it is! because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
in three words i can sum up everything about life: it goes on.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
i miss us :'(
Love Hurts
by Incubus
Tonight We Drink To Youth
While Holding Fast The Truth
Don't Wanna Lose What I Had As A Boy
My Heart Still Has A Beat
Now Love Is Now A Feat
As Common As A Cold Day In LA
Sometimes When I'm Alone I Wonder
Is There A Spell That I Am Under
Keeping Me From Seeing The Real Thing
Love Hurts
But Sometimes Its A Good Hurt
And It Feels Like I'm Alive
Love Sings
when it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
Cause without love I won't survive
I'm fettered and abused
I stand naked and accused
should I surface this one man submarine
I only want the truth
so tonight we drink to youth
I'll never lose what I had as a boy
sometimes when I'm alone i wonder
is there a spell that i am under
keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love hurts
but sometimes its a good hurt
and it feels like I'm alive
love sings
when it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me cause without love i won't survive
Without love i won't survive
I was just thinking if I regret my decision of loving him too much,too soon?
..then I realized that NO! wala akong pinagsisihan na binigay ko kaagad ang lahat sa tamang tao dahil naging mabuti din siya sakin.
I love this one line of angelica panganiban in the movie "a love story"...
"alam mo bang hindi ko pinagsisihan na pinaglaban ko ang pagmamahal ko sayo? kasi nalaman ko kung gaano kita kamahal.."
you will only regret if you held back your love,pero kung ginawa mo naman ang lahat ng makakaya mo para maayos ,pero sa huli wala pa din.. masasabi mo na lang na, kapos pa din pala na mahal ko lang siya!
I said to him that I'm only human and I made mistakes,
He chose to forgave me despite how much his heart aches.
but then one day, he gave up on me..not because he stopped loving me,
but because his heart can't handle so much..and forgot to understand that he's human too!
at ngayon narealized ko na ang mga bagay bagay....no matter how it hurts:( its for the best
alam ko naman na it will take time for me to heal this pain.
nagttrust na lang ako kay Lord..
ang mahalaga sinagot nya ang dasal ko na kahit pano maging ok na din kami, wala ng grudge sa isa't isa... I only wish him the best of everything! I wish him happiness:)
nitong mga nakaraang araw, lagi kong sinasabi sa kanila na ayoko na talagang magboyfriend
at mas gugustuhin ko pang tumandang dalaga na lang,, haha!:))
but when i read bianca gonzalez post about the irony of love, mejo natauhan ako,
"love! it can make you the happiest person in the world but it can also make you the saddest person in the world. it is your greatest strength but also your greatest weakness. it is what makes your world go round but it is also what stops your world in its tracks, it is the greatest, most beautiful irony of life i believe".
...at kapag binigay niya na ang taong nakatakda para sa kin,who am I to say "No". ryt? :))
by Incubus
Tonight We Drink To Youth
While Holding Fast The Truth
Don't Wanna Lose What I Had As A Boy
My Heart Still Has A Beat
Now Love Is Now A Feat
As Common As A Cold Day In LA
Sometimes When I'm Alone I Wonder
Is There A Spell That I Am Under
Keeping Me From Seeing The Real Thing
Love Hurts
But Sometimes Its A Good Hurt
And It Feels Like I'm Alive
Love Sings
when it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me
Cause without love I won't survive
I'm fettered and abused
I stand naked and accused
should I surface this one man submarine
I only want the truth
so tonight we drink to youth
I'll never lose what I had as a boy
sometimes when I'm alone i wonder
is there a spell that i am under
keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love hurts
but sometimes its a good hurt
and it feels like I'm alive
love sings
when it transcends the bad things
have a heart and try me cause without love i won't survive
Without love i won't survive
I was just thinking if I regret my decision of loving him too much,too soon?
..then I realized that NO! wala akong pinagsisihan na binigay ko kaagad ang lahat sa tamang tao dahil naging mabuti din siya sakin.
I love this one line of angelica panganiban in the movie "a love story"...
"alam mo bang hindi ko pinagsisihan na pinaglaban ko ang pagmamahal ko sayo? kasi nalaman ko kung gaano kita kamahal.."
you will only regret if you held back your love,pero kung ginawa mo naman ang lahat ng makakaya mo para maayos ,pero sa huli wala pa din.. masasabi mo na lang na, kapos pa din pala na mahal ko lang siya!
I said to him that I'm only human and I made mistakes,
He chose to forgave me despite how much his heart aches.
but then one day, he gave up on me..not because he stopped loving me,
but because his heart can't handle so much..and forgot to understand that he's human too!
at ngayon narealized ko na ang mga bagay bagay....no matter how it hurts:( its for the best
alam ko naman na it will take time for me to heal this pain.
nagttrust na lang ako kay Lord..
ang mahalaga sinagot nya ang dasal ko na kahit pano maging ok na din kami, wala ng grudge sa isa't isa... I only wish him the best of everything! I wish him happiness:)
nitong mga nakaraang araw, lagi kong sinasabi sa kanila na ayoko na talagang magboyfriend
at mas gugustuhin ko pang tumandang dalaga na lang,, haha!:))
but when i read bianca gonzalez post about the irony of love, mejo natauhan ako,
"love! it can make you the happiest person in the world but it can also make you the saddest person in the world. it is your greatest strength but also your greatest weakness. it is what makes your world go round but it is also what stops your world in its tracks, it is the greatest, most beautiful irony of life i believe".
...at kapag binigay niya na ang taong nakatakda para sa kin,who am I to say "No". ryt? :))
10402 MA.LIESYN CUPCUPIN,RN :))))
at last, yung matagal ko ng pinag ppray na mangyari finally happened.
I passed the Nursing Board Exam, yea! magiging RN na din sa wakas!! and I just want to thank a couple of people.
First and foremost, I want to thank Lord Jesus for this accomplishment. Grabeh ang pinagdaanan ko makaabot lang sa ganito but I must say, it's all worth it.
gusto ko din mag thank you to my parents who's been very supportive of me, kahit ano pang mangyari:))
sa anak ko, kay zai..for giving me such courage and inspiration to continue this dream.
sa school and sa mga professors ko, I owe you a lot! dami namen natutunan
sa brains review center, kung san ako nagreview..salamat din po sa lahat!
to my friends, sobrang proud ako saten, grabeh professionals na tayo akalain nyo yun haha:))
masasabi ko lang, sa lahat ng pinagdaanan kong hirap,sakit, puyat at pagod para lang matapos ako ng pagaaral at maging registered nurse..kahit papano KINAYA KO!
what's really important for me is that, I made my Lord proud, I made my family proud and happy:)) and para sakin yun yung pinaka latest kong accomplishment.☺
(Phillipians 4 :13) "I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength"
I passed the Nursing Board Exam, yea! magiging RN na din sa wakas!! and I just want to thank a couple of people.
First and foremost, I want to thank Lord Jesus for this accomplishment. Grabeh ang pinagdaanan ko makaabot lang sa ganito but I must say, it's all worth it.
gusto ko din mag thank you to my parents who's been very supportive of me, kahit ano pang mangyari:))
sa anak ko, kay zai..for giving me such courage and inspiration to continue this dream.
sa school and sa mga professors ko, I owe you a lot! dami namen natutunan
sa brains review center, kung san ako nagreview..salamat din po sa lahat!
to my friends, sobrang proud ako saten, grabeh professionals na tayo akalain nyo yun haha:))
masasabi ko lang, sa lahat ng pinagdaanan kong hirap,sakit, puyat at pagod para lang matapos ako ng pagaaral at maging registered nurse..kahit papano KINAYA KO!
what's really important for me is that, I made my Lord proud, I made my family proud and happy:)) and para sakin yun yung pinaka latest kong accomplishment.☺
(Phillipians 4 :13) "I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)